Oh HEY makeover.

Let's just say that the past week has been full of interesting makeovers.

1. My computer- Miss Mary Mac- got the Christmas present of new software. Aka I saved everything to my external hard drive and got better software so my computer would run better but while transferring everything back to the mac I somehow lost pictures and music. SAD FACE. Don't worry. My FLI buddies gave me good tips on the music thing so I recovered all my favorite stuff. The pictures? Well one of my projects will be reloading and re-editing everything from the semester. I'm planning on making a book from the semester. Probably on snapfish. I'm thinking about working on it for a month or so then when I see a good sale I'll BUY it. Normally I'd scrapbook...but...we'll see. :)

2. My mouth. Yay oral surgery. Let's just say my mouth is uncomfortable but the pain killers help. But...I have this "fun" retainer I have to wear the next 3-6 months...however long it takes my mouth to heal. Oh my goodness. If you had a hard time understanding my speech before...well...it's like relearning how to talk...haha. Oh well. Can't wait for this phase of teeth stuff to be over. I swear the teeth people in my town have had WAY TOO MUCH FUN with my mouth. The end.

Things I'm learning: patience, patience, and patience. :)

(I would totally add pictures...but...let's just say I can't find them in the way it's been organized...haha)

Paint a Picture

I thought I had a clear picture of what I was going to do when I get home. I haven't even been home 24 hours and I'm already panicking about everything that I felt God was laying on my heart. It's like I'm about to paint a picture. I have all the tools, a blank canvas, and inspiration. The hardest part of art for me is actually starting on a piece of art. Something about those first few strokes and the placement of them. There's something beautifully intimidating about the whole process.

That is where I am. I am at the place in creating a piece of art that scares me half to death yet thrills me at the same time. At the same time I realize that sometimes during the process of creating, you can get another idea, find a different medium to use, and even take a completely different direction that you actually started out with. Everything I want to do now that I am home from Focus is an idea in my head-my inspiration. My semester at Focus gave me the tools. The next few months and even years are my blank canvas. Here comes a new work of art. I'm just praying God leads me. I'm praying God leads every stroke that is my action.

John 3:30 "He must become greater; I must become less."

A Wedding

i caught the bouquet...decapitating half the roses in the process :)

Immediately after graduating from FLI, my family and flew my home state of Texas. I have Aggie pride in my blood and I dearly miss spending time at the family house in the Caldwell country. (My grandparents have since sold the huge farmhouse, which really wasn't a farmhouse, causing tears from all the grandchildren.) One of the reasons we are here is to celebrate my cousin's wedding, the other is to celebrate Christmas with the Elsik clan. I love it.

Anywho. Seeing how my cousin's wedding turned out, has further solidified my desire to do something with wedding planning. I remember 3.5 years ago when we were visiting for my grandparent's 50th wedding anniversary when Laura first saw a candy display for wedding favors. You better bet she used that idea at hers. Her wedding was gorgeous. She was gorgeous. It was wonderful.

Since facebook is constantly changing it's layout (I swear the creators of it are A.D.D.) I figured this might become a better place to update on my life. The end. Here are some pictures from the wedding. :)

yay marriage!! I've always looked up to this woman :)

panther. all the girl cousins minus the bride

mi familia. we clean up nicely.

getaway car!!! we got to decorate it.

all the girl cousins!!!
(caitlin, ashleigh, meghan, briana, laura)

elsik men!!!
(austin, uncle gene, pop, uncle scot, dad-steve, trey)

cake.

chapel.

first kiss as man and wife.

see. beautiful wedding.

Us. Minus Laura. Plus we're all single. :)

There's a glimpse into the beautiful event. Seeing my cousins kind of made me sad we didn't grow up with them in Texas. I'm thankful for my life though, and glad for the opportunities I've had to visit them. Oh life. :)

High Altitude Can No Longer Be An Excuse.

Well. Currently I'm sitting in a hotel in The Woodlands, TX. This morning when I looked outside I discovered why it's named that. HELLO TREES EVERYWHERE. This makes me miss Colorado. Even though I just left, I already miss the fact that CO doesn't believe in real trees. Just pine thingys that I may have complained about the first month I was there. Anyway.

I have officially graduated from Focus Leadership Institute. I cannot put into words what this semester meant to me. I'm gonna have to do a TON of journaling just to begin to process the whole experience. Right now I'm emotionally drained from the past month of events, saying goodbye yesterday (I seriously was the first one to leave. Not my style. I hated it.) and now being reunited with the family in a small hotel room. We'll be okay. Tomorrow my beautiful cousin is getting MARRIED. So excited for that.

My dear friend Sarah made us cds from the semester. I just heard Long Live by Taylor Swift for the first time, and let me tell you. It completely encompasses this semester.

I still remember this moment
In the back of my mind
The time we stood with our shaking hands
The crowds in stands went wild
We were the kings and the queens
And they read off our names
The night you danced like you knew our lives
Would never be the same
You held your head like a hero
On a history book page
It was the end of a decade
But the start of an age

Long live the walls we crashed through
All the kingdom lights shined just for me and you
I was screaming, "long live all the magic we made"
And bring on all the pretenders
One day we will be remembered

I said remember this feeling
I passed the pictures around
Of all the years that we stood there on the sidelines
Wishing for right now
We are the kings and the queens
You traded your baseball cap for a crown
When they gave us our trophies
And we held them up for our town
And the cynics were outraged
Screaming, "this is absurd"
'Cause for a moment a band of thieves in ripped up jeans got to rule the world

Long live the walls we crashed through
All the kingdom lights shined just for me and you
I was screaming, "long live all the magic we made"
And bring on all the pretenders
I'm not afraid

Long live all the mountains we moved

I had the time of my life
Fighting dragons with you
I was screaming, "long live the look on your face"
And bring on all the pretenders
One day we will be remembered

Hold on to spinning around
Confetti falls to the ground
May these memories break ???

And you take a moment
Promise me this:
That you'll stand by me forever
But if God forbid fate should step in
And force us into a goodbye
If you have children someday
When they point to the pictures
Please tell them my name
Tell them how the crowds went wild
Tell them how I hope they shine

Long live the walls we crashed through
I had the time of my life with you

Long, long live the walls we crashed through
All the candlelight shined just for me and you
And I was screaming, "long live all the magic we made"
And bring on all the pretenders
I'm not afraid

Singing long live all the mountains we moved
I had the time of my life
Fighting dragons with you

And long, long live the look on your face
And bring on all the pretenders
One day we will be remembered

(Dr. Del Tackett praying over us before we left.)

I'll have more to say later. But for now. It has been the most amazing semester of my life and I wouldn't change a single moment of it. :)

Click here to listen to "Long Live"

Eight More Days of Mountains

We have only eight days left at Focus Leadership Institute.

This means there are only eight days left of Bri living in the mountains.

Then? A week in Texas.

Then? Back to the mid-west for another 2.5 years.

Yet, I'm excited.

I love the people here and I love what I have been learning.

Now? It's time to apply it.

So back to NIU I go with a head and heart full of knowledge.

So my verse for life continues to be:

John 3:30

"He must become greater; I must become less."

Love

"All the commandments in Scripture reduce to Christ's Great Commandment, and the Great Commandment reduces to one concept: love.

God is in love with His creation. The creature has something of the Creator in him, and God has loved us from the beginning. Even when the creature turned his back on Heaven, yet God loved him: 'I made you, and I will carry you. I don't hold anything against you. Let me rescue you.'

The history of the world reduces to this: you're being pursued by love. He courted you; He followed you; He loved you. If you go to work or school or church, He is there. If you go to the edge of the universe or to the borders of hell, He is there. If you go deep inside yourself, He is there. In the dark of the night, in your depression, He is there. On your deathbed, when you don't want anybody to leave you, He is there. If you look behind you or before you, He is there, waiting to be allowed entrance into your life.

In the economics of eternity, God paid a great price. If we only better understood the cost, we would also better understand our worth."

Margin by: Richard A. Swenson

Artist to Athlete...not really.

Have you ever been told you will be broken, yet it happened in a way you did not expect? This semester we were told we would be broken. I have been broken in ways I did not think were possible.

I can clearly remember pulling my practicum handbook out of my mailbox. I read my assignment for the semester and became extremely confused. First of all, I am an art major. Second of all, I was expecting to be placed in an office at Focus because I did not bring a car to FLI. (We were told we would be placed on site if we did not bring a car.) Third...well....I’m not an athlete. Wondering what my practicum assignment is? Fellowship of Christian Athletes. My initial reactions to my assignment were totally unfair. Out of my practicum has come some huge blessings as well as some let downs that have been great learning experiences.

One of the most interesting aspects of FCA is our Tuesday night leadership meetings. My practicum buddy, Cody, and I are surrounded by six really tall men who are extremely athletic. (First of all, Cody is awesome. And he has a car. Which is great because we’re forced to be friends because he has to drive us everywhere. We’d be friends even if there wasn’t forced time together though. Seriously he has fantastic character and is striving to live his life completely for Christ-which is a huge encouragement. Did I mention neither of us are athletes? So funny!) The other guys lead various huddles around the Colorado Springs area. At these meetings, I usually end up spending at least ten minutes in confusion as they talk about various aspects of football that I had no idea existed. Anyway-one night we were talking about faith and how when we really believe something, it has the potential of happening. Going around the circle, we all shared what we were believing that God was going to do. I shared that I still believed that God would somehow still provide the remaining $800 for my tuition at FLI. Then we went around and prayed for the person on our right about what they had shared. The man on my left started the prayer, but before he did, he turned to me and said, "Don't worry about the rest of the money. I want to cover it." I stared at him in shock. He started praying and I started bawling. Seriously you guys, to see God answer a prayer like that SO fast was amazing. It was such a huge blessing.

There have been other blessings, but the main thing has been just a huge learning and growing experience. Cody and I were placed at two different middle school huddles that meet in the mornings. On Tuesdays we go to Discovery Canyon at 7am, and on Fridays we head to Monument Academy at 6:45am. This has forced me to grow because middle school students have always scared me and I am NOT a morning person. None the less, it has been a good thing to be placed there.



This weekend I hit a huge spot of brokenness though. Cody and I planned a retreat for both groups and were super excited about it. We covered the night in prayer and got to a point where we knew we were going to have to go with the flow and just let God show up. Needless to say, we only had four students show up at the retreat. I was so thankful because eight of our classmates showed up to help or hangout, and the high school youth group of the church we were at, was having a game night. There were ten college students, about twenty high school students, and four middle school students. We were running around the church like crazy people playing Ghost in the Grave Yard, Sardines, and Dodgeball. That part was awesome. So many people having fun together. My broken moment came when I started feeling rejected by the middle school students. I was so frustrated because only four showed up. We had done so much planning and praying! This whole week I have feet extremely broken hearted and rejected, based on factors that had nothing to do with FCA. (God is breaking me in ways I did not expect this semester.) I literally broke down when I somehow tripped going up the stairs. Every feeling of rejection and confusion and brokenness overflowed into tears. My roommate let me cry with her and prayed with me. I suddenly became aware of God’s love for me, and no matter how I was feeling, He was holding me and had purpose for this week and whole night of not what I expected. My roommate, Janae, was talking to me about something God had showed her. When we are broken, God puts us back together in new ways that will be more glorifying Him. (Janae is planning on blogging about this later!) Throughout the night, Cody and my classmates were so encouraging. In that moment of weakness, I realized great things were going to come from my experience. I know that God is going to do something with the four students that came.

Even though I do not know what else is in store with FCA this semester, I am still excited for it. I know God gives us different experiences that will grow us closer to Him. In the middle of the lesson, it is so hard to just accept that. I love where God is taking me this semester. It has been completely unexpected and somewhat painful, but completely amazing and worth it.

Just Blink

I feel SO SO SO bad about neglecting my blogs. Yes. Blogs. I just updated my tumblr...with like, two pictures so it wasn't even really worth it. And then there's the becoming a woman of God blog...it needs some attention too. (Sorry Jess). Anywho. I guess I feel better about neglecting this instead of neglecting school work. Really. So what is new?? So much.

Classes have been going really well. I love our professors...most of them are too smart for their own good but that's fine. I seriously have to use a dictionary when I'm doing my homework. GROWING. (Growing is a common theme in our apartment.) I've been learning SO much. I need to start journaling every night so I can actually look back on it and pick up on some lessons I might not quite be grasping yet. I really do enjoy all the reading we do. I can't even begin to tell you how many PAGES and PAGES of reading we do. I personally don't mind it. It's kinda nice to just read a book every night. Although I seriously miss taking art classes.

JFA=scary. We did an event with Justice For All this week. It involved a day of training and a day at Colorado State University talking to students about abortion. We were trained to create dialogue between opposing sides. There was also a huge display with very graphic pictures depicting what aborted babies look like. Well, it wasn't just depicting it, they were actual pictures. It took everything I had not to throw up every time I looked at it. Needless to say, this experience will not be a highlight of my semester. What I did learn is this: the power of prayer is important...sometimes you just have to pray for those around you when you don't feel like you can really do anything else, and that's okay. I also learned that it IS possible to have discussions with people about things you disagree on. You can find "common ground" and go from there. Yep.

FCA. My practicum has been very interesting. I have no idea how I'm going to have enough hours for this thing. This, is the only thing that is stressing me out this semester. But, a huge blessing came out of it. The other night we were talking about faith and how when we really believe something, it has the potential of happening. Going around the circle, we (all the FCA leaders) shared what we were believing that God was going to do. I shared that I still believed that God would somehow still provide the remaining $872 for my tuition at FLI, and such. :) Then we went around and prayed for the person on our right about what they had shared. The man on my left, Jeff, started, but before he did, he turned to me and said, "Don't worry about the rest of the money. I want to cover it." I stared at him in shock. He started praying and I started bawling. Seriously you guys, to see God answer a prayer like that SO fast was amazing. So that was awesome. Now I'm just really praying that God uses me and Cody (my partner) in the students lives. We're thinking about planning a lockin/retreat type deal...so if you could pray about that...

Well...I don't know what else to say, other than I love the Springs and FLI and the people I'm with. Seriously. I feel beyond blessed. ;)

Week 1

I have to say that this past week has been one of the craziest weeks I've experienced, even more crazy than my first week at Taylor. We had our welcome dinner last Tuesday night. On Wednesday and Thursday we had "orientation" of sorts...although I can honestly say I'm not really sure what I got oriented on...except for general stuff....which is orientation I guess. Friday-Sunday we were up at Horn Creek for a retreat. At FLI we are split into "Life Groups" and are with these groups throughout the semester. I really like my group. Honestly. We're all so different yet work so well together! In our life groups we did team building exercises such as: putting everyone through a spider web, musical chairs, and this weird lava block game. Fantastic bonding. :)

Yesterday and today we had leadership intensive discussions and activities. I think the hardest one for me was the one of affirmation. We had a partner and picked words that we could use to affirm them...and seriously I don't handle compliments well so it was really hard for me to sit and listen to what Joy had to say. The past couple days have been really stretching-giving us puzzle pieces for the semester.

My roommates are legit. That's all I have to say. That girl. :)

Off to read!

COLORADO!

I cannot believe that I am finally here. I'm living in CO for the semester and I am beyond excited. God keeps letting funds show up, which is amazing. Today I moved into my new apartment. :) The girls are awesome and we're all really similar which is great! All night owls, sarcastic, and all that jazz. Super enjoyable.

It's been an interesting couple of weeks leading up to this point, but I'm very thankful for them. I've felt super encouraged lately.

More to blog later...I need to finish unpacking!

Two weeks...

I'm supposed to be leaving in two weeks. I have so many emotions and feelings about it though. On one hand, I'm kind of freaking out a bit because I'm not sure where the rest of the money I need is going to come from. I've been praying like mad about it. In some ways I wonder if I should have found a fourth job this summer...but really. I don't know what else I could have done. Anyway. Those of you following this, please pray that if it is in God's will for me to attend Focus, that the money will show up. I really feel like it's where I'm supposed to be, but right now it is semi-discouraging.

I will lean on God.

I love these verses:

Faith and Endurance

2 Dear brothers and sisters,[a] when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3 For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.
5 If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. 6 But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. 7 Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8 Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do.

9 Believers who are[b] poor have something to boast about, for God has honored them. 10 And those who are rich should boast that God has humbled them. They will fade away like a little flower in the field. 11 The hot sun rises and the grass withers; the little flower droops and falls, and its beauty fades away. In the same way, the rich will fade away with all of their achievements.

12 God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. 13 And remember, when you are being tempted, do not say, “God is tempting me.” God is never tempted to do wrong,[c] and he never tempts anyone else. 14 Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. 15 These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death.

16 So don’t be misled, my dear brothers and sisters. 17 Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens.[d] He never changes or casts a shifting shadow.[e] 18 He chose to give birth to us by giving us his true word. And we, out of all creation, became his prized possession.[f]

Pure

I love this song. (Click the title of this post: Pure) This song is my prayer, as the next five weeks fly by. I have about $4,500 left to raise for the fall...which scares me but at the same time excites me because it will be cool to see God show up. :) I'm putting the finishing touches on two different fundraisers, so I'll have information on that linked to this blog pretty soon.

Pure

Your love is pure, Your love is precious
Your love is all I need
Your love surrounds me, Your love as- tounds me
Your love is everything

I run to You when my heart is weak
I cling to You, You're all I seek
It's my heart's desire to be close to You
Here in Your arms I'll find my strength

Everything I want, everything I hope in
Everything my heart cries out for
Everything I want, everything I hope in
Everything my heart cries out for

Timeline

I have not posted in two weeks. This is ridiculous. Although for the past two weeks I've been working over 40 hours a week...I got a third job! HUGE blessing that I'm seriously so thankful for. This whole money thing is a stresser but I have full faith in God that things are going to work out. What is my newer job? Working in the cornfield for a plant/chemical research company. Oh what an adventure it has been. I actually have liked it a bit. Crazy, I know. :)

Things that are new:

-I'm super pumped about the fact that my best friend is home. Like, you guys, she has been such a HUGE influence in my life and over my relationship with Christ. It's been a fantastic blessing to have her over the past 5 years in my life.
-Another one of my friends and I are in the process of starting a new blog. We're really excited about it!! More details later.
-Resonate is in a week!!! I LOVE THIS MINISTRY. I have learned so much being a part of it over the past year-wether I'm singing, doing art, or just participating. I love it. Here's some more details about it. (I love love love the vision.)

The Vision:
To see the local church connecting from all over the northern IL area to glorify God and tell of his renown (Isaiah 26:8).

It's a time to encounter our great God who is Father, Son and Spirit. It's not a concert, Jesus is the only One who will get the praise of our mouths once the night is over (Psalm 115).

-I'M LEAVING IN SIX WEEKS!!!! (freaking out just a bit.)
-I'm putting the finishing touches on a few fundraising things. I'm super thankful for all the ideas people have given me and those who have been willing to help me out. I've been learning so much about community in the body of Christ. ::sigh:: I just love my life with Jesus.

Well. I guess another newish thing is this: I will see my sister in about 4 weeks...which I'm beyond excited for. It has been really hard not having her around for the past year. I haven't really gotten to spend any quality time with her since last August except for when she was home for Christmas. (I mean, I also saw her in March for a total of probably 4 hours when she was home for a couple days...I just happened to be headed to Taylor for a friend's senior art show...it was bittersweet.) I miss that girl so much. I've probably already said that...but really. If you know her, you'd miss her too. :)

Check out these verses!! (These are my verses for the summer and they're also the heart verses for Resonate this month!)

"1Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside [throw off] every encumbrance [everything that hinders] and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,

2fixing our eyes on Jesus,

the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

3For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. "

hebrews 12:1-3

So fantastic. :)

Purpose Driven Life

New project. 40 days of reading "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren. I'm on day 3, so I'm kind of nervous about actually completing this task, because honestly I struggle with daily reading tasks. Like my Bible for instance. I bought the Bible in 90 Days last summer...I think I'm on day 7. But, that's also something I'm working on reading through. :) I'm excited.

Here's my nugget of truth for the day:

"Fear is a self-imposed prison that will keep you from becoming what God intends for you to be. You must move against it with the weapons of faith and love. The Bible Says, 'There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.' 1 John 4:18." -Rick Warren

A couple of weeks ago I realized I struggle with fear. The fear of accomplishing things. Everything from making it to Colorado this fall to the littlest thing of actually getting my room clean and keeping it that way. I honestly hated that realization. Probably because I had been ignoring that part of me for a really long time, and always came up with excuses about why I don't accomplish things. Oh man. So much learning this summer. So much learning in life. :)

On another note: MY LIFELONGFRIEND IS COMING HOME TOMORROW!!!!!!!! I miss Allison. Yet, I'm so proud of her for what she has been doing since the end of May in Asia. I did not like the no communication thing. I do LOVE that she's out there serving Jesus. The woman is so mature in Christ and I miss her influence on me and I'm kinda jealous of the people she was getting to hang out with. BUT. God was USING her. I can't wait to hear stories. Oh life. :)

the Prop

Check this out.

The Prop click here!!!

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Crushed and Created

I love this song.

Crushed and Created
By Caitlyn Smith/Sara Groves/Gordon Kennedy

Looking back on the things that found me
Places I would never choose
The same things that both haunt and heal
My demons and my muse

We are crushed and created
Melted and made
Broken and built up in the very same way
What I thought I could handle
What I thought I could take
What I thought would destroy me
Leaves me stronger in its wake

And there are times that I’ve underestimated
Both the grief and goodness found in something new
Where one thing dies, something else can be created
And though it’s truth you find, it’s innocence you lose

I’m not the me that I started with
My friends say my eyes are brighter
I’m not the me that I started with
I’m freer, and I’m wiser, and I’m stronger…

It leaves me stronger

Click to listen :)

Expired Milk

I have to admit something. I pretty much refuse to drink/eat/use anything after its expiration date. Not a couple days after, but the DAY after. I heard on the radio some mom talking about her daughter having a similar problem. The mom was like, "Honey, that date isn't a magical thing that automatically makes the _____ untouchable". Well mother I don't know. Yes it does.

So last week I bought a gallon of milk...with an expiration date 4 days away. My mom told me that I better drink all of it because she was tired of throwing away expired things. The night before the day of expiration came and there was still half a gallon left. I told my dad about my predicament and asked if there was anything I could make that would use A LOT of milk. He said yes, went to the store, and came back with stuff to make flan, tapioca, and chocolate pudding pie. He made the flan.

The next day I get a call from my mom, asking if the tapioca mix and chocolate pudding pie was on the counter so I would stick to my promise to use the milk. Yep. She got me. I can't even be sneaky with that lady. So I made the tapioca and the chocolate pudding pie.

Text from my dad: "this tapioca is sooo good it reminds me of my mom's!!!"

Text from my mom: "mmm...you rock at making tapioca and chocolate pie!"

Apparently it took a gallon of almost expired milk for me to find out that I'm not a COMPLETE failure in the kitchen. Compliments from the parents=success.

Songs on My Heart

I have so many songs on my itunes, and honestly all I've been listening to is Needtobreathe and a bunch of worship songs. The following are the ones I put on a cd to play in Shasha (mah car). I highly recommend looking them up on youtube or something and giving them a listen. :)

A Mighty Fortress by Christy Nockels

How He Loves by Kim Walker

Awakening by Chris Tomlin

Your Love Never Fails by Chris Quilala

Hungry (Falling on My Knees) by Kathryn Scott

Desert Song by Hillsong

You'll Come by Hillsong United

Glorified by New Life Worship

Healing Is In Your Hands by Christy Nockels

You Gave Your Life Away by Paul Baloche

You Hold Me Now by Hillsong

Hosanna by Hillsong United

Lead Me to the Cross by Hillsong United

Enjoy them. I do. They pretty much speak truths about God that I constantly need to hear. I'm in my car so much that it only made sense to put them on a cd!!!

Broke College Student.

That may or may not be one of the dumbest titles ever, but not far from the truth at all. Anyway. I'm currently trying to finish writing my support letters for the fall. IT IS SO DIFFICULT. Why? How do I completely express who I am, what has happened in the past 3 years, why I'm so drained, why I feel like I should be at Focus, etc., in such a SHORT amount of time. I feel like I need a three page letter for this thing. Seriously. I wrote a rough draft and got it to fit on the stationary I want to use (I'm a huge fan of pretty paper. hello I'm an art major.) and now my mom is sitting on the patio revising it. At first she had a red pen out but I was quickly like, ummmmmm please don't remind me of high school with a grading pen look-a-like. So she grabbed a blue one.

Anyway. I always use so many words to express myself, so trying to say a lot with a little is pretty much super difficult and frustrating but kind of exciting at the same time. Thank goodness one of my best friends has an English degree. She will be getting a phone call shortly. :) The adventure to Colorado in the fall has officially begun. It's going to happen.

John 3:30

Wishes

I just went through some old notebooks, and found a list of things I want to do in life. Some I've already accomplished, some are in the near future, some will be just pure amazing if I'm able to check off the list.

• Graduate with a Bachelor Degree
• Go back to the Czech Republic on a second mission trip
• Visit Greece & Italy
• Get a photograph published in a "coffee table" book
• Get a photograph published in a magazine
• Live in a state I haven't lived in yet (I've lived in Texas, Oklahoma, Indiana and Illinois)
• Go legit camping
• Go skiing in Colorado [December 2008]
• Take a cruise in the South America region
• Work at summer camp in Colorado
• Pet a giraffe
• Obtain a wedding planner certificate
• Photograph engagement shots for friends
• Photograph a friend's wedding
• Design a wedding invitation
• Take a train somewhere other than to downtown Chicago
• Pay off my student loans
• Visit Ireland
• Visit Australia
• Go scuba diving
• Go on a mission trip to a 3rd world country
• Work at summer camp [Kanakuk K-2 Summer 2008]
• Go to the Sears Tower [Summer 2009]
• Try snowboarding
• Successfully ski down a black/blue diamond mogul run at Winter Park without stopping, sitting, or falling. It's gonna happen.
• Give a friend a hair cut
• Learn how to drive manual [August 2009]
• Buy my own car
• Kayak on a legit river
• Experience Times Square on New Years Eve
• Find giraffe print fleece and make footie-pajamas
• Work in a coffee shop
• Read the Bible cover to cover
• Travel Route 66
• Go to the Grand Canyon
• Get my associates degree [december 2009]
• Go on a road trip with my sister
• Go on a road trip with my best friend
• Have an upsidedown Christmas tree
• Visit the art museums in Chicago

I have another list somewhere else. But for now, get a glimpse of what I want to do. :)

21

Hello Twenty One Years of Life. :)

I have to say that I really had a fantastic birthday. It didn't turn out how I expected, it turned out better. It started with Sweet Dream Cupcakes and an unexpected gift from my parents. (That I'm entirely too excited about.) Then a graduation party for a great family friend. Then my parents took me to Acquaviva (my second job for the summer) which was a very interesting experience. After that I headed to Wheaton to meet up with some of my fantastic friends from Taylor. Anyway, I'm thankful for everything that I've been blessed with over the past years.

Here are some pics from the day!

One of the "briana do something crazy shots" by Heidi

I love Maggie Burns. :)

Well...best picture we have with Rutzen.

21

"Misconception"

Concept:
Doppelganger is described as the ghostly double, evil twin, and harbinger of the future. Its use in this ongoing visual exploration of your relationship with the depiction of self [self portrait] is to create a metaphor of your alter ego or an exaggeration of an aspect of yourself with the presentation you typically adopt. The use of emotive hue through emphasizing temperature, value, mark and expressive color will offer the climate and impact required for your specific communication.

A. In you SKETCH BOOK write out 10 personal characteristics that describe how you perceive others see you.
1. What is you presentation of self?
2. Who are you attracted to, or repelled by and why?
3. What would be a total contradiction to who you are?

Result:




Basically this was my favorite piece to work on all semester. I love working in color and I'm finally okay with my style of drawing. I started to use directional lines on figure forms in life drawing about a year ago, and never really strayed away from it. I also for the first time was able to convey movement of fabric with the illusion of folds.

So what is my piece saying? I started thinking about how people see me, actually, how I thought people would see me when I started at NIU this semester. Being a Christian in the art department can be a struggle at times. Overhearing conversations at the beginning of the semester before I actually "revealed" my faith to people, opened my eyes to how "religious" people are perceived. The figure on the right is me as a nun. It is a super exaggerated view of who I am. I'm showing myself as extremely judgmental, righteous, religious, etc. Like I said, exaggerated view of Christianity based on overheard conversations and media portrayal. The figure on the left is me, as me. Me plugging my ears to block out all the comments and misconceptions about my faith.

This piece took forever and a day. :) But I love it. It is actually hanging up in the art building all summer along with some of my fellow classmate's pieces. So there ya go. Drawing 2 Final. :)

life lately

I wish I had time to just sit and write. I love writing. Sharing about what God has taught me, praying that maybe God will teach someone else through my experiences. It makes me think of the verses in 2 Corinthians: 3-11.

³Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, ⁴who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. ⁵For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. ⁶If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. ⁷And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

⁸We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. ⁹Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. ¹⁰He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, ¹¹as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.

I just think it is so cool. :) God is awesome.

Possible topics I'll tackle this summer: Purity, Discipleship, John Piper's sermon from Passion 2010, etc. Let's be honest...the purity one might be tackled in many different posts. Last summer one of the other leaders from the high school youth group, led a study on purity for the h.s. girls. I got to help out with it and just LOVED it. I have tons of notes and thoughts from that. :)

School is done in about 4 days.

My birthday is in a month.

Focus is in just over 4 months.

Back to working on finals.

Holga

Blame Justin for me wanting this. As well as pictures that Mark has taken. Drool.

Someone in my family said the pictures looked old and like they were developed wrong.

They are supposed to look awesome like that.

I admit I love really clear/sharp pictures with fantastic color via digital cameras.

But seriously.

Holga.

I mean, look at this beautiful picture.

(photo by Justin Rutzen)

The Hidden Strength of Pain

Every word I'm about to copy and paste later on into this blog has been something I've been struggling to realize for the past two years. I'm human, therefore I put myself first and pretty much think I deserve things. My best friend Allison was sharing with me recently how she was recognizing the fact that we don't deserve ANYTHING. We don't as mankind have something that makes us better than anyone else, and we as individuals shouldn't just expect that we as a human right deserve something. Relationships, schooling, a well paying job, a nice car, a big house, etc. That really isn't my point, but this is. I think deep down inside I thought I deserved to be at Taylor. When it was taken away from me I experienced pain I never thought possible as a result of transferring schools. Hello dramatic. Yet, it felt like God was breaking my heart, to bring me closer to Him and to a place where He could better use me in ministry. Hello difficult. Yet, it took me forever to be okay with the fact that I was at home and not at Taylor where I thought I deserved to be. Hello stubborn daughter of God.

In January while Passion was going on, I was sitting at home listening to the podcasts. Beth Moore spoke and the words God gave her literally, broke me down. It was like all the pain I had experienced was flooding back in, waiting for me to finally recognize as beautiful. Beth kept saying this phrase over and over,

"He may equip you with everything good for doing his will."

She took the word "equip" and gave us some of the original meanings/translations of the word that looked something like this: God equips us by preparing us, adjusting us, repairing us, and filling us. Because I'm lazy at the moment, here are some key points.

-We're here on Earth to do some good and Glorify God.
-The world needs to be benefited by our existence.
-No matter what your family was like, it has led to your life and what you do with it.
-Let nothing you've learned be wasted.
-God uses EVERYTHING to equip us. (Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.)
-If it was permitted to happen to you, it has given you a way to minister.
-Don't ask God "why did this happen?". Trust that in time He will reveal the answers.
-God is bringing us through things and to different places in life to finish things in us.
-Situations shape us.
-The people God surrounds us with can influence us to love those we cannot like.
-You go into new situations to continually change more into one like Christ.
-You may not feel like you fit but maybe it's flat out fitting that God has you there. (I loved her phrasing on this)
-Whenever, wherever God leads, you follow. It might keep changing.
-God calls you to FOLLOW HIM.
-Whatever God has called you to do or be-you cannot do on your own-only Christ through you can be what God has called you to do or be.
-Everyday give yourself to God-ask to be overtaken by the spirit.
-"There ain't no high like the most high."
-Quit trying to run in someone else's lane. Run your own race and be who God has called you alone to be. Don't look at others and want the ministry they have or the life they have. Follow God in the path he has set out for you alone.

Hebrews 13:20-21 (New International Version)

May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

The things she said were so amazing. I know for sure God spoke through her to me, and to so many other people. This next part is from a devotional my mom sent me. She handed it to me the other night and just said this, "I read this and parts of it made me think of you and all the pain you suffered after moving home." I was thinking...oh goodness what is it. Then I read it and it reminded me of what Beth said and how quickly I had forgotten it...so here this next part is. This pain can be about anything...and trust me. God knows your heart, He made it.

"2 Corinthians 12:10 MSG "Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become."

God is not wasting the pain in your life. He never wastes a wound. He’s healing you at this very moment and using that pain to show you a dream bigger than you realize. But you need to trust Him. When you trust, you allow room for hope.

When we are in the deep, deep valley we must hold on to the assurance that God stands firm and strong behind us. Nothing we experience will be wasted. It will all be used for our good—to make us stronger, to make us walk closer to Him, to give us a more loving heart. In our greatest pain we need to lean greatly on God. He’s using our weakness to do His work in and through us, building trust, so that His dream for each of our lives can become a reality.

We rarely understand how God is using pain in our lives to refine us. Sometimes through the tears we can’t see anything, much less understand. But just because we don’t understand the pain doesn’t mean He’s not using it. He is. It’s part of His plan and purpose. Trust Him.

Prayer
Dear God. Some days I don’t know how I will get through the day with the pain and hurt I have to face. Let me feel your presence, Lord, to trust and relax. Let me fall into your everlasting arms, giving you control as I feel your strength. Amen."

Focus Leadership Insitute

I'm really excited about the fall. Check out the website.

Focus Leadership Institute

Hello. Awesome classes in an awesome place where I have some amazing friends. It's so great. I'm so excited. I don't have words.

life

I have so many things to say and share, yet am having trouble formulating phrases that will do those thoughts justice.

art

Artistically speaking, I would not call myself challenged. Although, I find it challenging to sit down for six hours straight and crank out a masterpiece. Maybe in 3 years I'll have that down. I'm thinking about the things I want in life...and how so many times they are completely materialistic. This, should not be the case. I've grown up hearing (especially since fifth grade) that I should store up my treasures in heaven. Sometimes I wonder if we just don't have this right. What if we are wasting our time doing pointless things? I know I do. I've been super convicted over the past year about all the t.v. shows I watch. I finally got over it and cut out most of the shows I was watching. Why? They don't glorify God.

I've learned so much over the past month about God and how everything was created to glorify himself. This got me thinking. Let's say I take a picture, and this picture is just brilliant. Well. I captured/created this image. Now there are a couple of things that could happen with this picture. 1. It could be deleted completely and nobody would ever see it. 2. I post it on facebook and people see it once and forget about it. They are captivated by it for a second and then it becomes this distant memory that really has no impact. 3. I could print out this picture and hang it on my wall. People would see it when they are at my house, and maybe remember it a little each time. 4. This picture could be in a magazine or on a billboard. People would be more impacted by it but get tired of it after awhile. 5. It could become a classic piece and live forever in a museum.

So what does all that mean. For me it's an analogy of who I could be as a Christian. God created me for a specific purpose. It should be my joy to follow Him in my life and live out this purpose. Hopefully my purpose is like that of a picture in a museum. Not that my name will live on earth forever, but that Jesus used me to glorify God in ways that I could never dream up for myself. My whole life will be a cry out to God for me to serve him wholeheartedly. I'll live forever in eternity. What is better than that?

At my college youth group, well at my church, we are starting a serving campaign. Eight weeks of learning and living out serving. I'm excited. I'm also nervous. I just pray that I let God show me how He wants to use me, and not plan my life out how I think would be the biggest benefit.

I hope this makes sense.