So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18For so long I've been focused on how people see me, I look for their approval, I find satisfaction in being included and sought after. Over the past year I've slowly become more aware of this in me. I've become aware of the people pleasing nature and the rule following structure in my heart. It was only recently that I became convicted about some of the things I would say in order to feel more accepted. Gossip is such a huge part of our culture. Gossip makes us feel stronger than the person we're talking about or putting down. It doesn't seem harmful in the moment. It caught up with me a few times this semester. Not in awful horrible ways, but in little-itty bitty ways-ways that made me question my heart behind loving people. It wasn't a fun feeling for me to recognize this in me. You can see yourself one way but then the next moment you're completely aware and feel very exposed of something in you that needs changed.
I've been praying so much lately about this issue. It's crazy to think that since that moment I was super convicted about gossiping, how much has changed. It might only be my perspective that has changed though. Things with people around me have gotten harder. I hear the things people say and it crushes me thinking that I have gone along with it. Comments about people because they are different, because they don't do something the way we think they should, comments because they don't fit our ideal, comments because we think we are better. We are not better. We are all human. We all have faults and sin and pain. Nobody is better.
It's funny. It really is to me. That the times in my life I've prayed for patience, for changes, for anything really, it seems like God challenges me in ways I would never have expected. Lately I feel so opposed by some people around me. I feel misunderstood. I feel a lot of things. But the thing I want to feel the most, is the love and satisfaction that can only come from my Lord Jesus Christ. That is my biggest prayer. In the meantime I'm learning to pray these verses and the ones in 2 Corinthians on my life.
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore,having fastened on the belt of truth, andhaving put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and takethe helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, makingsupplication for all the saints, and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak. Ephesians 6:10-20All in all, there are some amazing things in my life. But really, my biggest prayer is my life will glorify the Lord.
