When I hit painful moments in life, it makes me nostalgic.

Nostalgic of all the other painful moments I didn't think I'd get through that God totally brought me out of and sanctified me in during the process.  I think about this blog post quite often.

It's crazy.  In my mind I'm just now really beginning to let things change me that happened even 5 years ago.  We're doing a study on Philippians by Matt Chandler this summer in my small group.  After the first week-just going through the historical background and content of how the church in Philippi got started.  There was so much going on there.  The love of Jesus Christ was breaking all these cultural, racial, gender, status, etc. backgrounds.  It's amazing to think about.  We put the power of Jesus's love in a little box all the time.  We want it to be convenient, easily explainable, normal even.  It's none of those things.  Why do we cling to our selfishness so much and make it so hard to let the Lord change our hearts.

I don't want to be selfish.  I don't want to hide from this beautiful process of change.  I want to run right at it with all that I am and be like, "OKAY God!! I surrender. Make me more like you no matter what anyone else says!"

"He must become greater; I must become less." John 3:30

That was a slight tangent.  Back to the painful moments.  There are a few that stick out in my mind.  I'll highlight a bit of the beauty that came from the pain.

Pain: Leaving Taylor University.
Beauty: Community with my college youth group.  Amazing friendships.  I can see how God used me in Michelle's life to be a positive thing.  She was pretty much the friend that made moving home be an okay thing.  God showed me so much about myself through my friendship with her.  It was so amazing to see her get married recently.  God transforms us all.  I'm so thankful for that.  I don't like taking credit for this, but a guy named Will was in my speech class my first semester back, and God gave me the courage to invite him to Crave.  It has been amazing to see how he got plugged in and pretty soon was a strong leader and prayer influencer among the group.  I became involved with a community worship night that completely changed my life and heart about worship.  Oh man.  I need a blog post for that.

Pain: Kamp.  It was physically and emotionally so difficult.
Beauty: I loved working at kamp.  I made a few good friends there who I still admire so much.  I love seeing how the lives of Kim, Caley, and Whitney are playing out!  (Funny story-Whitney actually went to FLI with me as well!!)  I learned so much that summer about letting go.

Pain: Not getting into FLI the first time I tried.
Beauty: This brought me to NIU a semester earlier than I thought it would.  I met some amazing people who I still see a lot of in the art building.  Also-It postponed my attending of FLI.  Which was awesome because of the AMAZING people I met when I actually did attend!

I know I'm forgetting so many moments in here.  Moments that brought beauty into my life.  Those are just a few moments that stick out.  God uses EVERYTHING in our lives.  Everything.

All I know is this: I love the life God has blessed me with.  I actually enjoy learning from the times of confusion and wondering what God is doing.  It's an exciting reminder that my life is meant to glorify HIM.

I'm blessed.  I really am.  I'm thankful for so much.  And I can honestly say, I'm happy.

"She is clothed with strength and dignity, she can laugh at the days to come." Proverbs 31:25

I miss the lovely lady pictured with me on the right.  Such a wonderful sister she is!  I was just reading her blog and got a little jealous of flying the skies.  Such a fun thing.  Being a flight attendant.  At least I think it would be fun.  Couldn't be much different from working at Starbucks!

It's funny that only a few days after I created a blog post based on identity-I had a reality check of sorts on where my identity is.

There are moments in life that force you to evaluate what you really look like on the inside.  It has been a rough couple of days.  A lot of confusion in many areas of my life.  But you know what?  I have loved seeing how people close to me have rallied around me to speak Truth and encouragement into my life.  I love prayer.  God is Great.

On a brighter note-I finally bought a new camera!!! Whooot!