pride

Over the years, I've witnessed a lot of pride. Pride in others, but mainly pride in myself.

Here's the thing about pride. It destroys.

But God is greater, and I love the submission of admitting my pride and humbling myself before Him.

Sometimes that pride sneaks back up, and then others point it out to me.

Christian community at its finest.

Yes please.

8 Things

I feel like so often I stumble across articles of how godly men should act. So it was super refreshing to read this one.

8 Things that Reveal a Woman's Character

a song

I feel like this song, among many, really captures my prayers for my life at the moment.

Here's My Heart  <<<<< listen to the lovely.

Fallow Ground

I can’t really keep track of how many times I’ve ended up in tears on the train. It isn’t this cascade of water pouring out of my eyes–it is these little moments of little tears that come from me recognizing something I haven’t realized. It’s me being broken in some way by the book or passage I’m reading in that moment.

Graduating college was not what I expected. It would have helped if I had actually expected something. I didn’t find that necessary due to past lessons in life that have just made me face each day as they come. It’s over. It’s a six year chapter in my life that is finished. One afternoon I realized that I wasn’t just graduating from NIU–I was finishing a six year endeavor that had taken me to four different schools, in three different states. This endeavor I never thought was going to end, in the best way possible. But it’s over. Suddenly I’m in the “real world.”

My sister is a wife now. So is one of my best friends. Another dear woman in my life is now a mother. I’m done with college. This all happened in May. April was a month that did not seem like it would end, thanks to the roughest couple of weeks I’d ever had in college. Pretty sure I burst into legit tears every few days. But then again, I took way too many design classes at once. Through God’s strength and the encouragement of others, I finished. Then May happened. Birthdays, weddings, babies, graduation, accepting an internship, quitting my coffee dream job. Now June is almost passed. This new season I thought would be one of rest and reflection. In some ways it is.

During my 3.5-4 hour daily commute, I suddenly have all this down time on my hands that I haven’t experienced since...childhood...scary. In the mornings I spend time in God’s word. Then I get to the afternoon. Suddenly my brain is my worst enemy. This isn’t a season of rest. This is a season of deep reflection that God is using to tear apart my heart. Tear it apart. Not for my own purposes, but for His. Which brings me back to getting tears on the train.

I’ve been a Christian since I was in fifth grade. As in: I accepted that Jesus died for my sins on the cross and I wanted to live my life for Him. Over time, I’ve begun to gradually understand bits and pieces of what it really means. My college season was a huge growing time in my faith. Because it didn’t go how I expected, or even how I wanted for that matter, I really had to look at my life and who I was living it for. Even now. 

Lately God has been chipping away at the part of my heart that is still hard towards others. The people I don’t understand, the people who aren’t like me, the people who stand on the streets in Chicago asking for money, the people who are in prison, the people looking so lonely. One of my life verses is from John 3:30, “He must become greater; I must become less.” But what does that really mean for my life? It means sacrificial love and grace towards me from God, and then a sacrificial life on my part to glorify God through all I do. Following His commands, even the difficult ones. Then a tear forms in the corner of my eye. And it’s a beautiful tear. It’s not from hurt or anger. It’s from joy that only comes from being broken by God.

It’s a season of God breaking up the fallow ground of my heart.

Weddings are so beautiful.

I love weddings.

I think it started when I worked at a tuxedo rental shop for a couple years. It was either that or when many of my friends started getting married-and having the most amazing ceremonies.

When you tie together an aesthetically pleasing, crafted to the couple, meaningful celebration with the beautiful covenant and representation of Christ's love for the church that a marriage is, boy do I love it.

I've had the sweet blessing of getting to be part of a few of my friends and cousin's ceremonies. When I was asked to read scripture, I'd write the verses out by hand and pray them for the couple. The verses are now hanging from my bedroom mirror-a way for me to remember to pray for them. I've had the sweet joy of standing in two weddings now-both girls are so dear to me. My best friend actually got married about a week ago, and being part of the process and knowing them and their hearts was something that I'll always be thankful for.

I've been somewhat nostalgic recently, with graduating college and having all these life changes happen  to me and to the people around me. Graduations, engagements, marriages, babies, etc. Getting older is fun.

But really. I love weddings. I love being there and hearing the vows-the promises to love, respect, serve, cherish, honor, and encourage one another. I know no marriage is perfect, but I do appreciate the view we get into peoples hearts at their weddings, and the reminders I get to love others, submit my life to the Lord, and to serve.

I don't know. I just love it.

"Myths About My Identity"

Here is a link to the message I referenced a couple days ago from my church!

Myths About My Identity

Enjoy :)

Just give me Jesus.

I don't know about you, but I'm tired of the lame words that are supposed to be comforting like, "other people struggle with this," and "you're not the only one," and "your time will come." Hello. I know all of that. I've read so many books on singleness, leadership, relationships, discipleship, etc. I'm not oblivious to the things going on around me. I know because I'm a human I'll struggle with things. But I also believe in Jesus Christ. And that's where I want my encouragement to come from. I'm so thankful for the people in my life who point me straight back to scripture. The people who listen completely to what I say when I'm struggling with something, take the time to point me back to God and pray with me or for me. I firmly believe the word of God-the Bible-is truth. And I desire so much more of it in my life.

I desire deeper fellowship, greater honesty, vulnerability and true encouragement-even when difficult. I miss my small group and women's study at church so much this semester. The people who kept me accountable, asked me hard questions, listened, and loved on me no matter what.

It's hard not to feel forgotten. And that's a lie I believe so often. It creeps up all the time. I can't wait to post the message from church this morning. It was all about our identity. I struggle with that so much. This past year has been a fight to break off from things of the world that I put my identity in, and fighting to put that in Christ daily.

This is the scripture we studied this morning, and I am so deeply encouraged and strengthened by it.

^"3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, ⁴ even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love⁵ he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ,according to the purpose of his will, ⁶ to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. ⁷ In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, ⁸ which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight ⁹ making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ ¹⁰ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.
¹¹ In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestinedaccording to the purpose of him who works all things according tothe counsel of his will, ¹² so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory. ¹³ In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, ¹⁴ who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory."
Ephesians 1:3-14

I hope whoever reads this is encouraged by my vulnerability, as well as this passage of scripture. I'm thankful for the times in my life when I feel these things, because it forces me to lean that much more into the arms of my Jesus. I just pray that I would continue to build on these lessons and feel these things less and less though. Haha. I'm hoping to grow into a woman that is constantly beyond confident in the gospel. Which makes me think of these verses!

¹⁹...and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, ²⁰ for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.
Ephesians 6:19-20

Also, I really am obsessed with this song right now: Hillsong UNITED, Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)

27 Million

When it's cloudy outside, which is 90% of the winter in the midwest, I just start daydreaming.

I'm so distracted from school and the things that I "need" to get done. Instead I'm thinking about posters for social issues and invitations for weddings, baby showers, etc. I can use design for so much.

"Design is the method of putting form and content together. Design, just as art, has multiple definitions; there is no single definition. Design can be art. Design can be aesthetics. Design is so simple, that's why it is so complicated."
-Paul Rand

Here are my thoughts: different social groups throughout history have used the power of voice to get their point of view across. Media is not neutral. People can get really defensive if they have an opposing viewpoint.

I'm the type where I like to calmly discuss viewpoints.

But I also like bringing up points that might be ignored.

So here is something that I've found super interesting during the past month, past year actually.

There are 27 million slaves in the world today. This comes in many shapes and forms. Learn more.

So what am I going to do about it.

was dead. now alive.

"You can have all your bones in order, and have tendons and have skin and look pretty normal and still be completely dead. You can have appearance of everything being all put together and still be completely dead. You can be sitting in a church or a campus ministry or Passion 2013, and say, look everythings kinda together and God says yeah everything is kinda together but there is no BREATH in there...it's that missing life." -L.Giglio

Taking a homework break. Listening to another sermon. I don't know what's going on in my heart. I started watching a tv show and got annoyed so I turned it off. Every time I read my Bible or pray, I get more excited about what the Lord has for me. I'm currently listening to one of the main session talks from Passion2013. Yessss. "Raised to Life by the Breath of a Living God."

Louie is talking on Ezekiel 37:1-14, The Valley of Dry Bones. I'm pretty sure I've never read this story, and if I did-I completely missed it.

This sermon made me think of the song Bones by Hillsong. Listen to the whole song. It's one of my favorites-to listen to and lead during music worship. I especially love this line.

"Breathe in me Your life till Your love overtakes me,
Open up my eyes let me see You more clearly,
Falling on my knees till I love like you love, like you love me, I love you.
Oh Jesus, Alive in me."

One of the biggest prayers I have in life is to learn to love in even a fraction of the way that God does.

Back to the message and my thoughts on it.

"The idea is that you go at God's disposal, its not that you go here or there or there and that's what makes you someone in motion for God, the idea is that wherever your motion is taking you, you know in your heart, 'I am here at God's disposal.'" -LG

How many years did I have the look of having everything together? Part of the reason I have this blog is to be authentic and honest with what God is teaching me. I love looking back at lessons and being like, "Oh yeah! That was something really cool to learn. It was such a hard time but God totally brought beauty from it!"

Changing. I can feel my heart changing. I was once dead, and now I'm alive forevermore-I love Jesus.

We have scars in our life...and God uses them for His glory, as part of the story of how he HEALED us. Accepting Christ and His death on the Cross is an act of surrendering your life to God. We aren't perfect, we'll never be perfect, but Jesus is perfect. Sometimes our witness is how God has healed us of something. The healing power of Jesus!

This has to be one of the most scattered blogs ever. So many thoughts in my head and on my heart.

So many.

"Our message is we were dead, now we're alive. Our identity we were not, now we are. Our witness is our healed and healing wounds. Our freedom is for freedom." -LG

For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery. 

Galatians 5:1

I believe I was freed so the Lord could use me to set others free. I'm not ashamed of that. I want to fully know the life and power of Jesus. I want to stand for Jesus. Always and forever.

It's not about me. It's about Jesus.

Ephesians 6:19

"God isn't limited by walls, by job titles." -Louie Giglio

I've been making chili and cutting up veggies for the past couple hours. But while I've been doing this, I've been listening to some of the messages from Passion 2012. Shoot. Broken again. Francis Chan was talking about us needing to read our Bibles. Like, REALLY read our Bibles. Reading it, following it, trusting it, living it, etc. It's supposed to be our lives. Jesus came to the world and save us and then he sent us into the dark world. Then Christine Caine was speaking on human trafficking. Ah. Her story. Of her life and now how she's recognized the importance of seeing numbers as humans and not as just a number. How there are 27million people trapped in slavery today. That is a ridiculous amount. 27 million. Shoot.

They talked about how it's inevitable that we'll die (hello 1 in 1 people do) and our purpose isn't to reach the end in our life living comfortably. The goal isn't to have made it safely. Psh I don't want that to be my goal! I want to be fearless for the gospel. I want to be bold. I want to be known for loving Jesus. There is so much going on that we can do something about. As a Christian, we are called to love others. Not just our friends and family, but everyone. The broken, the sad, the disabled, the lonely, the widowed, the poor, the orphaned, etc. Wow.

Now I'm not remembering who said it.....but here is my thought: I need to be praying that God would show me the path to glorify Him through everything-to show me how to use the talents, gifts, and passions that He gave me to make a difference in Jesus's name. In the name of Jesus. Serving the Lord. That's what I want my life to be. Always. Forever.

Pray for me. So much to pray through myself. Praying for others, for my life, for the chance to make a difference daily-no matter how small or large. Praying this verse:

Ephesians 6:19-20 "...for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak."

I don't think I'll sleep well tonight.

found this on tumblr....somewhere....

The first of the last.

[Church lately? Church has been flat out awesome. We're doing a series on discipleship. Thoughts to come.]

Tomorrow is the first day of my last semester of college. Say what? I was so exhausted earlier and now I can't sleep because I'm such a mix of things. Excited. Nervous. You name it.

The first day of your last semester is almost worse than your actual first day of college.

It is worse.

In August of 2007 I knew I had four years of school ahead of me-well, six-and I knew what I wanted to do. Now, January of 2013...I have four months left...and then it is over.

I'm so excited.

I could move anywhere and I could do pretty much anything I'm interested in.

The possibilities are endless. At least that is how it feels.

I've pretty much already blogged all my thoughts on this the other day.

But I want to look back on this post and see that there was hope and excitement in my heart.

Bring it.

Readiness

Whenever I listen to sermons by Louie Giglio, he describes my generation as "The Jesus Generation." What. That's a crazy statement. BUT IT MAKES ME SO EXCITED.

I'm so ready for this semester. I spent the day cleaning, finishing projects, organizing, etc. But mainly I was listening to worship music and praying about the next four months.

The next four months will determine a lot for me. I want to continue building friendships. I want to continue living my life in a way that looks different. I would also like to figure out what the heck I'm doing after May 11th. But hey, with time.

What I'm most excited about is just being more real with my faith. I'm so over this caring what people think thing. I'm ready to have real conversations, ask deeper questions, etc. I'm tired of just knowing the surface-ness of people and what they did over the weekend. I want to know what their families are like, what makes up their dreams, and who they really are.

Amping up the authenticity. Building community. John 3:30, "He must become greater, I must become less."

I wrote this blog as a call to prayer. I need prayer so much. (Everyone needs it.) But please if you think of it pray for me in these areas this semester.

1. Direction.
2. Focus. Not only on my studies but more importantly, on the Lord.
3. Time for devotionals.
4. Boldness.
5. Wisdom.

Thank you to everyone in advance for your prayers. I covet it. Leave comments with how I can pray for you, or email/facebook me. :)