Clear.

Declutter.

Organize.

Simplify.

Are we chasing an idea of balance and margin? Are we finally growing tired of the busyness and overcommitments that rule our so called free time?

What would it look like to start from a blank slate? How would we actually feel if we lost all our worldly possessions?

I'm learning how little they matter. I'm learning how valuable time is. I'm learning that spending money on food to cook for my friends is more precious than that new "it" item at Target.

Are we so consumed by social media and the lives of others that we have forgotten to be authentic?

I'm looking into the future. If I keep going at the rate I have been, I'll never have the time I crave to spend with my family, friends, and most importantly: the time to spend with my Creator.

What if we all pressed pause? What if we evaluated what really matters in life? What if we realigned our momentary lives to reflect our beliefs? What if we slowed down?

Rest.

Reflect.

Realign.

A Milestone Pep Talk

Let me be honest. When I decided I wanted to get a Bachelors degree in Graphic Design, I did not know what I was getting myself into. Actually, when I decided it was going to be my major, I only knew one or two people who actually had jobs doing it.

Side note. I always loved the invitations, brochures, promotional material, etc., that my church would have. I knew someone made that stuff, and my senior year of high school, I decided I wanted to be that person. Fast forward 6.5 years, and now I am that person.

Until my senior year of high school, I wanted to be an architect or interior designer. I took drafting classes, I made up pretend houses with awesome secret passages, and I would rearrange my room constantly. Yet, I'm so thankful I changed my mind.

Looking back, I always loved design. For example:
-I always kept beautiful promotional materials, invitations, etc.
-I always studied the way magazines laid out information.
-I instantly noticed when a magazine or publication would do a design overhaul, (even though I didn't really know what that meant.)
-I would critique the logos of businesses. Chick-fil-a still has the one of the best in my opinion.
-I LOVED making homemade cards.

The list goes on and on. Now I find myself loving it more and more: the combination of strategically solving problems while making it creatively compelling. After years of classes, projects, countless sleepless nights, working multiple jobs to make it through school, tears, internships, achievements, and my first real job–I can finally say I'm a professional in the field.

I never thought I would make it to this point.

This post is a reminder for myself. A reminder of how I feel at this specific milestone. A reminder of my love for learning more about this field. A reminder of the goals I have to further explore and create. A reminder to not give up. A reminder to keep going.

reflect.

The sun is setting over the snow covered midwest picturesque view.
Candles are lit, flowers in a deep blue vase, I'm sipping wine.

Deep reflection and processing and internal review are taking place.
Big moments in life, hard work, sanctification, blessings, struggle.

Last year I would have never expected to be where I am sitting now.
Desiring simplicity, wanting to be a maker, missing the mountains.

Culture says to aim for wealth and comfort and fame and pride.
I want less of myself, more of the Lord, time to create, time to hide.

What if we all stopped running this western race view of dreams.
Move back to community, back to family dinners, back to humility.

I know what I want in this life.
Not riches or things or collections.
I want Jesus Christ magnified.

pride

Over the years, I've witnessed a lot of pride. Pride in others, but mainly pride in myself.

Here's the thing about pride. It destroys.

But God is greater, and I love the submission of admitting my pride and humbling myself before Him.

Sometimes that pride sneaks back up, and then others point it out to me.

Christian community at its finest.

Yes please.

8 Things

I feel like so often I stumble across articles of how godly men should act. So it was super refreshing to read this one.

8 Things that Reveal a Woman's Character

a song

I feel like this song, among many, really captures my prayers for my life at the moment.

Here's My Heart  <<<<< listen to the lovely.

Fallow Ground

I can’t really keep track of how many times I’ve ended up in tears on the train. It isn’t this cascade of water pouring out of my eyes–it is these little moments of little tears that come from me recognizing something I haven’t realized. It’s me being broken in some way by the book or passage I’m reading in that moment.

Graduating college was not what I expected. It would have helped if I had actually expected something. I didn’t find that necessary due to past lessons in life that have just made me face each day as they come. It’s over. It’s a six year chapter in my life that is finished. One afternoon I realized that I wasn’t just graduating from NIU–I was finishing a six year endeavor that had taken me to four different schools, in three different states. This endeavor I never thought was going to end, in the best way possible. But it’s over. Suddenly I’m in the “real world.”

My sister is a wife now. So is one of my best friends. Another dear woman in my life is now a mother. I’m done with college. This all happened in May. April was a month that did not seem like it would end, thanks to the roughest couple of weeks I’d ever had in college. Pretty sure I burst into legit tears every few days. But then again, I took way too many design classes at once. Through God’s strength and the encouragement of others, I finished. Then May happened. Birthdays, weddings, babies, graduation, accepting an internship, quitting my coffee dream job. Now June is almost passed. This new season I thought would be one of rest and reflection. In some ways it is.

During my 3.5-4 hour daily commute, I suddenly have all this down time on my hands that I haven’t experienced since...childhood...scary. In the mornings I spend time in God’s word. Then I get to the afternoon. Suddenly my brain is my worst enemy. This isn’t a season of rest. This is a season of deep reflection that God is using to tear apart my heart. Tear it apart. Not for my own purposes, but for His. Which brings me back to getting tears on the train.

I’ve been a Christian since I was in fifth grade. As in: I accepted that Jesus died for my sins on the cross and I wanted to live my life for Him. Over time, I’ve begun to gradually understand bits and pieces of what it really means. My college season was a huge growing time in my faith. Because it didn’t go how I expected, or even how I wanted for that matter, I really had to look at my life and who I was living it for. Even now. 

Lately God has been chipping away at the part of my heart that is still hard towards others. The people I don’t understand, the people who aren’t like me, the people who stand on the streets in Chicago asking for money, the people who are in prison, the people looking so lonely. One of my life verses is from John 3:30, “He must become greater; I must become less.” But what does that really mean for my life? It means sacrificial love and grace towards me from God, and then a sacrificial life on my part to glorify God through all I do. Following His commands, even the difficult ones. Then a tear forms in the corner of my eye. And it’s a beautiful tear. It’s not from hurt or anger. It’s from joy that only comes from being broken by God.

It’s a season of God breaking up the fallow ground of my heart.

Weddings are so beautiful.

I love weddings.

I think it started when I worked at a tuxedo rental shop for a couple years. It was either that or when many of my friends started getting married-and having the most amazing ceremonies.

When you tie together an aesthetically pleasing, crafted to the couple, meaningful celebration with the beautiful covenant and representation of Christ's love for the church that a marriage is, boy do I love it.

I've had the sweet blessing of getting to be part of a few of my friends and cousin's ceremonies. When I was asked to read scripture, I'd write the verses out by hand and pray them for the couple. The verses are now hanging from my bedroom mirror-a way for me to remember to pray for them. I've had the sweet joy of standing in two weddings now-both girls are so dear to me. My best friend actually got married about a week ago, and being part of the process and knowing them and their hearts was something that I'll always be thankful for.

I've been somewhat nostalgic recently, with graduating college and having all these life changes happen  to me and to the people around me. Graduations, engagements, marriages, babies, etc. Getting older is fun.

But really. I love weddings. I love being there and hearing the vows-the promises to love, respect, serve, cherish, honor, and encourage one another. I know no marriage is perfect, but I do appreciate the view we get into peoples hearts at their weddings, and the reminders I get to love others, submit my life to the Lord, and to serve.

I don't know. I just love it.

"Myths About My Identity"

Here is a link to the message I referenced a couple days ago from my church!

Myths About My Identity

Enjoy :)

Just give me Jesus.

I don't know about you, but I'm tired of the lame words that are supposed to be comforting like, "other people struggle with this," and "you're not the only one," and "your time will come." Hello. I know all of that. I've read so many books on singleness, leadership, relationships, discipleship, etc. I'm not oblivious to the things going on around me. I know because I'm a human I'll struggle with things. But I also believe in Jesus Christ. And that's where I want my encouragement to come from. I'm so thankful for the people in my life who point me straight back to scripture. The people who listen completely to what I say when I'm struggling with something, take the time to point me back to God and pray with me or for me. I firmly believe the word of God-the Bible-is truth. And I desire so much more of it in my life.

I desire deeper fellowship, greater honesty, vulnerability and true encouragement-even when difficult. I miss my small group and women's study at church so much this semester. The people who kept me accountable, asked me hard questions, listened, and loved on me no matter what.

It's hard not to feel forgotten. And that's a lie I believe so often. It creeps up all the time. I can't wait to post the message from church this morning. It was all about our identity. I struggle with that so much. This past year has been a fight to break off from things of the world that I put my identity in, and fighting to put that in Christ daily.

This is the scripture we studied this morning, and I am so deeply encouraged and strengthened by it.

^"3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, ⁴ even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love⁵ he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ,according to the purpose of his will, ⁶ to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. ⁷ In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, ⁸ which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight ⁹ making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ ¹⁰ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.
¹¹ In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestinedaccording to the purpose of him who works all things according tothe counsel of his will, ¹² so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory. ¹³ In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, ¹⁴ who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory."
Ephesians 1:3-14

I hope whoever reads this is encouraged by my vulnerability, as well as this passage of scripture. I'm thankful for the times in my life when I feel these things, because it forces me to lean that much more into the arms of my Jesus. I just pray that I would continue to build on these lessons and feel these things less and less though. Haha. I'm hoping to grow into a woman that is constantly beyond confident in the gospel. Which makes me think of these verses!

¹⁹...and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, ²⁰ for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.
Ephesians 6:19-20

Also, I really am obsessed with this song right now: Hillsong UNITED, Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)

27 Million

When it's cloudy outside, which is 90% of the winter in the midwest, I just start daydreaming.

I'm so distracted from school and the things that I "need" to get done. Instead I'm thinking about posters for social issues and invitations for weddings, baby showers, etc. I can use design for so much.

"Design is the method of putting form and content together. Design, just as art, has multiple definitions; there is no single definition. Design can be art. Design can be aesthetics. Design is so simple, that's why it is so complicated."
-Paul Rand

Here are my thoughts: different social groups throughout history have used the power of voice to get their point of view across. Media is not neutral. People can get really defensive if they have an opposing viewpoint.

I'm the type where I like to calmly discuss viewpoints.

But I also like bringing up points that might be ignored.

So here is something that I've found super interesting during the past month, past year actually.

There are 27 million slaves in the world today. This comes in many shapes and forms. Learn more.

So what am I going to do about it.

was dead. now alive.

"You can have all your bones in order, and have tendons and have skin and look pretty normal and still be completely dead. You can have appearance of everything being all put together and still be completely dead. You can be sitting in a church or a campus ministry or Passion 2013, and say, look everythings kinda together and God says yeah everything is kinda together but there is no BREATH in there...it's that missing life." -L.Giglio

Taking a homework break. Listening to another sermon. I don't know what's going on in my heart. I started watching a tv show and got annoyed so I turned it off. Every time I read my Bible or pray, I get more excited about what the Lord has for me. I'm currently listening to one of the main session talks from Passion2013. Yessss. "Raised to Life by the Breath of a Living God."

Louie is talking on Ezekiel 37:1-14, The Valley of Dry Bones. I'm pretty sure I've never read this story, and if I did-I completely missed it.

This sermon made me think of the song Bones by Hillsong. Listen to the whole song. It's one of my favorites-to listen to and lead during music worship. I especially love this line.

"Breathe in me Your life till Your love overtakes me,
Open up my eyes let me see You more clearly,
Falling on my knees till I love like you love, like you love me, I love you.
Oh Jesus, Alive in me."

One of the biggest prayers I have in life is to learn to love in even a fraction of the way that God does.

Back to the message and my thoughts on it.

"The idea is that you go at God's disposal, its not that you go here or there or there and that's what makes you someone in motion for God, the idea is that wherever your motion is taking you, you know in your heart, 'I am here at God's disposal.'" -LG

How many years did I have the look of having everything together? Part of the reason I have this blog is to be authentic and honest with what God is teaching me. I love looking back at lessons and being like, "Oh yeah! That was something really cool to learn. It was such a hard time but God totally brought beauty from it!"

Changing. I can feel my heart changing. I was once dead, and now I'm alive forevermore-I love Jesus.

We have scars in our life...and God uses them for His glory, as part of the story of how he HEALED us. Accepting Christ and His death on the Cross is an act of surrendering your life to God. We aren't perfect, we'll never be perfect, but Jesus is perfect. Sometimes our witness is how God has healed us of something. The healing power of Jesus!

This has to be one of the most scattered blogs ever. So many thoughts in my head and on my heart.

So many.

"Our message is we were dead, now we're alive. Our identity we were not, now we are. Our witness is our healed and healing wounds. Our freedom is for freedom." -LG

For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery. 

Galatians 5:1

I believe I was freed so the Lord could use me to set others free. I'm not ashamed of that. I want to fully know the life and power of Jesus. I want to stand for Jesus. Always and forever.

It's not about me. It's about Jesus.

Ephesians 6:19

"God isn't limited by walls, by job titles." -Louie Giglio

I've been making chili and cutting up veggies for the past couple hours. But while I've been doing this, I've been listening to some of the messages from Passion 2012. Shoot. Broken again. Francis Chan was talking about us needing to read our Bibles. Like, REALLY read our Bibles. Reading it, following it, trusting it, living it, etc. It's supposed to be our lives. Jesus came to the world and save us and then he sent us into the dark world. Then Christine Caine was speaking on human trafficking. Ah. Her story. Of her life and now how she's recognized the importance of seeing numbers as humans and not as just a number. How there are 27million people trapped in slavery today. That is a ridiculous amount. 27 million. Shoot.

They talked about how it's inevitable that we'll die (hello 1 in 1 people do) and our purpose isn't to reach the end in our life living comfortably. The goal isn't to have made it safely. Psh I don't want that to be my goal! I want to be fearless for the gospel. I want to be bold. I want to be known for loving Jesus. There is so much going on that we can do something about. As a Christian, we are called to love others. Not just our friends and family, but everyone. The broken, the sad, the disabled, the lonely, the widowed, the poor, the orphaned, etc. Wow.

Now I'm not remembering who said it.....but here is my thought: I need to be praying that God would show me the path to glorify Him through everything-to show me how to use the talents, gifts, and passions that He gave me to make a difference in Jesus's name. In the name of Jesus. Serving the Lord. That's what I want my life to be. Always. Forever.

Pray for me. So much to pray through myself. Praying for others, for my life, for the chance to make a difference daily-no matter how small or large. Praying this verse:

Ephesians 6:19-20 "...for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak."

I don't think I'll sleep well tonight.

found this on tumblr....somewhere....

The first of the last.

[Church lately? Church has been flat out awesome. We're doing a series on discipleship. Thoughts to come.]

Tomorrow is the first day of my last semester of college. Say what? I was so exhausted earlier and now I can't sleep because I'm such a mix of things. Excited. Nervous. You name it.

The first day of your last semester is almost worse than your actual first day of college.

It is worse.

In August of 2007 I knew I had four years of school ahead of me-well, six-and I knew what I wanted to do. Now, January of 2013...I have four months left...and then it is over.

I'm so excited.

I could move anywhere and I could do pretty much anything I'm interested in.

The possibilities are endless. At least that is how it feels.

I've pretty much already blogged all my thoughts on this the other day.

But I want to look back on this post and see that there was hope and excitement in my heart.

Bring it.

Readiness

Whenever I listen to sermons by Louie Giglio, he describes my generation as "The Jesus Generation." What. That's a crazy statement. BUT IT MAKES ME SO EXCITED.

I'm so ready for this semester. I spent the day cleaning, finishing projects, organizing, etc. But mainly I was listening to worship music and praying about the next four months.

The next four months will determine a lot for me. I want to continue building friendships. I want to continue living my life in a way that looks different. I would also like to figure out what the heck I'm doing after May 11th. But hey, with time.

What I'm most excited about is just being more real with my faith. I'm so over this caring what people think thing. I'm ready to have real conversations, ask deeper questions, etc. I'm tired of just knowing the surface-ness of people and what they did over the weekend. I want to know what their families are like, what makes up their dreams, and who they really are.

Amping up the authenticity. Building community. John 3:30, "He must become greater, I must become less."

I wrote this blog as a call to prayer. I need prayer so much. (Everyone needs it.) But please if you think of it pray for me in these areas this semester.

1. Direction.
2. Focus. Not only on my studies but more importantly, on the Lord.
3. Time for devotionals.
4. Boldness.
5. Wisdom.

Thank you to everyone in advance for your prayers. I covet it. Leave comments with how I can pray for you, or email/facebook me. :)

Banana Pancakes.

Confession time. I love Pinterest. ::GASP:: Yes. I love it.

I've always been obsessed with color and interior decorating. But now my horizons have been furthered with recipes, more decorating ideas, organization tips, natural beauty secrets, wedding things (another dream of mine is to be a wedding designer-aka I design the look of the wedding-expecially the tablescapes and alter area) and many many more.

Notice I mentioned recipies. Below is my attempt at making a recipe that Taralynn posted and I eventually pinned.

I'm going to go into this with a few disclaimers:
1. I've been eating gluten free since August (with a few minor exceptions that involve family traditions.)
2. I'm not the best cook. So anything that went wrong I'm making assumptions about.
3. I haven't photographed anything in awhile so the pictures are...not my best. :)
4. I adapted the recipe. Which might be my first mistake.

So. I saw this and became really excited. A flourless pancake?! Yes please! A use for the old brown bananas?! Yes please! So here we go.

First. Put on a cute apron. (My mom got this one for me for Christmas!)

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Side note. Favorite flower of the moment. Thanks mom :)

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Ingredients! I used two farm-fresh eggs, two ripe bananas, some defrosted berries, a few chocolate chips, and a Tablespoon of flax seed.

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I find that coffee goes well with anything! First mash the banana, and then add the egg/flax seed mixture. Mash it all together until it is smooth-ish.

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Grease your pan! I quickly learned that I do not like using olive oil spray. But then you should be able to cook it like a pancake.

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Flip...like I said this wasn't the most pretty of food executions. Above is why I didn't like the olive oil.

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Then I switched to butter!!!!! I love butter. It flipped easier. Still fell apart. I honestly should have made smaller pancakes. Seriously. Impossible to flip. Maybe upon further experiments it'll get better. Just be okay with having ugly pancakes and you'll be fine. :)

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The finished product! I drizzled honey on top. Delicious. 

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Okay so here are things that might have factored into my not cute pancakes. I added flax seed. The bananas were super ripe. I wonder if using less ripe ones would be better? The pan was also not super hot when I started. I kind of want to try this but in a baked form. Cook it for a few minutes on the stove and then throw it in the hot oven for a few minutes. Might be great! I also might try two eggs and only one banana. And some toasted sliced almonds. And sprinkled cinnamon on top.

I have to say, this was a great way to get protein and fruit. I thought it was quite tasty and I would love to try it with other fruits!

In trial, in life.

I love my church. I love how the scriptures are taught clearly every week. I love the community and fellowship that takes place. I've been going to Harvest over the past year–and I have to say–it has been quite the blessing in my life.

This past Sunday was a message I needed to hear–mainly the part about what God is asking of us. The whole message was called, "God With Us: In Trials." Click to listen for yourself! Listen Here!!

I wanted to unpack one section of the message.

3 Things I Know God is Asking of Us in Trial:
1. Turn to the Lord (Psalm 56:1-2)
2. Feed on His Word (Psalm 56:3-4)
3. Walk in Fellowship with Other Believers (Galations 6:2)

What I got out of it: First of all–I want this to be my life daily. I daily want to be seeking the Lord through prayer, scripture, and fellowship. Not every single day of my life will include that. I know this by looking at my track record. But, I do think it is something worthwhile to pray for.

[I have heard the more you do something, the quicker it becomes a habit.]

"Be gracious to me, O God, for man tramples on me; all day long an attacker oppresses me; my enemies trample on me all day long, for many attack me proudly. When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?  "  Psalm 56:1-4

READ that scripture. Read it. I keep reading it. It applies to so many areas of life. Are you stressed about work? Give it to the Lord!! Is school getting you down? Give it to the Lord! Is a friendship/relationship letting you down? Give it to the Lord!!! We shall not fear the things of this world. God is for us! Also: read your Bible! [I know everyone says this, but seriously, it's important. I keep realizing this more and more in my life how important it is. I wish I was more serious about it, and I wish I had been more serious about it sooner. But hey, you learn from your past.]

"Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." Galations 6:2

I used my handy iPhone ESV app to look up references for this verse. Look them up if you want! Just click on the links. :D

Romans 15:1, 1 Thess 5:14, Galations 5:14, 1 John 4:21, and John 13:34. 

Basically this: LOVE each other, lean on each other, let people lean on you! But always–put Christ at the center and ask for His strength and wisdom.

Wow. Hodge podge blog post. It's been awhile.
I want to blog more about what I learned during the study Nancy Leigh Demoss wrote called, "Seeking Him: Experiencing the Joy of Personal Revival."

:)

empty.

I have this struggle right now.

The semester just ended. I suddenly have loads of free time–minus the having a job thing–and I just feel empty.

This past semester has literally been one of the most difficult I've had school wise. My classes were challenging, being a "young designer" was challenging, and the never ending load of homework was challenging.

Towards the end of the semester I just started being consumed by the homework. Consumed. I was skipping Bible study and neglecting things just to finish my homework.  Now I'm at the end of the semester, with only one more ahead of me. And I just feel empty.

In this moment it's as if all this work I'm doing is just for a grade, for a piece of paper, for the credibility.

Colossians 3:23 says, "Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for man."

Am I doing that?

It doesn't feel like it.

I need a perspective change and a heart change. I need rest in the Lord. I need to seek the Joy that only comes from knowing Him.

I'm tired. I'm weary. I'm exhausted. I'm vulnerable. Yet Jesus says this in Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

The Lord will not forsake me. Moses speaks these words to Israel in Deuteronomy 31:6, "Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you."

So many beautiful and amazing promises in Scripture.

Time to stop, and rest.

Ask the Lord to show you what your heart really looks like.

So you put a banana in your hair.

I'm only posting about this because I found it completely hilarious and I'm slightly embarrassed by it.

Sometimes when I need a break from homework or life in general-I do weird things. Today that weird thing was making a homemade moisturizing mask for my hair. I've made a couple in the past and they usually turn out okay-ish. Key word "ish." There was this honey and olive one that took forever and a day to rinse out. This time I opted for one with honey, olive oil, banana, egg, buttercream, and avocado. Well. We didn't have an avocado in the house so I used everything else. After mixing everything up I put the gunky mixture in my hair, wrapped it in saran wrap and waited.

Here's the embarrassing yet funny part. So I go to rinse it out. The banana is not rinsing out. Basically I was trying to rinse this mushed up banana out for twenty minutes. It was ridiculous. Everything else rinsed out. I even washed my hair twice.

That was a few hours ago.  I'm pretty sure there are still some tiny pieces of banana in there. My mom looked and it felt like a lice check for a second there. But after drying it and brushing it, I think I got most of it. But seriously. Who gets banana stuck in their hair.

At least my hair is super soft now.