Identity

Something that has really captured my attention lately is my heart and where I find my identity.  I've had this internal struggle going on for the past couple months about this issue.  I even did my final project in printmaking on the concept.  I feel like I've become so aware of what the battle between my heart and the world really looks like.  I love the following passage from 2 Corinthians.

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.  2 Corinthians 4:16-18

For so long I've been focused on how people see me, I look for their approval, I find satisfaction in being included and sought after.  Over the past year I've slowly become more aware of this in me.  I've become aware of the people pleasing nature and the rule following structure in my heart.  It was only recently that I became convicted about some of the things I would say in order to feel more accepted.  Gossip is such a huge part of our culture.  Gossip makes us feel stronger than the person we're talking about or putting down.  It doesn't seem harmful in the moment.  It caught up with me a few times this semester.  Not in awful horrible ways, but in little-itty bitty ways-ways that made me question my heart behind loving people.  It wasn't a fun feeling for me to recognize this in me.  You can see yourself one way but then the next moment you're completely aware and feel very exposed of something in you that needs changed.


I've been praying so much lately about this issue.  It's crazy to think that since that moment I was super convicted about gossiping, how much has changed.  It might only be my perspective that has changed though.  Things with people around me have gotten harder.  I hear the things people say and it crushes me thinking that I have gone along with it.  Comments about people because they are different, because they don't do something the way we think they should, comments because they don't fit our ideal, comments because we think we are better.  We are not better.  We are all human.  We all have faults and sin and pain.  Nobody is better.


It's funny.  It really is to me.  That the times in my life I've prayed for patience, for changes, for anything really, it seems like God challenges me in ways I would never have expected.  Lately I feel so opposed by some people around me.  I feel misunderstood.  I feel a lot of things.  But the thing I want to feel the most, is the love and satisfaction that can only come from my Lord Jesus Christ.  That is my biggest prayer.  In the meantime I'm learning to pray these verses and the ones in 2 Corinthians on my life.  

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore,having fastened on the belt of truth, andhaving put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and takethe helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, makingsupplication for all the saints, and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak. Ephesians 6:10-20

All in all, there are some amazing things in my life.  But really, my biggest prayer is my life will glorify the Lord.

Time.

Time fascinates me.

Moments that quickly pass,

Days that seem like weeks,

Months that happen like an eye blink.

A skewed perspective and perception.

Our reality isn't something measured,

Yet we constantly try capturing it,

Making it comprehendible. 

The Greatest of these is Love

"God, who in Genesis sent His fallen ones out of the Garden, even then because of love, promised a way back.

This same God demonstrated His love toward us by sending Christ to be born in Bethlehem.

This same God, in the greatest act of love, laid down His life to save our lives.

This same God today pours His love into our hearts through the Holy Spirit whom He has given us.

(Romans 5:8, John 15:13, Romans 5:5)"

-taken from "Our Journey" Feb2012

snow.

It snowed today!!! Finally. We're halfway through January. So many funny moments at work involving snow. Goodness I'm so blessed.

When I got home I decided to shovel the driveway, which was interesting to say the least. After 40 min I looked around and saw that all my work was pretty much already being covered. But hey! It's the thought that counts. While looking around I thought about how much we sometimes work to have this image of a clean or perfect life. But underneath our hearts can be so bitter, broken, dark, prideful, etc. Sinners.

The falling snow reminded me that even in those darkest moments, God's love is covering us with this beautiful embrace. Kind of like snow. Snow for the most part is fluffy, beautiful, and graceful. This beautiful thing that can make the ugliest scenery the most breathtaking moment. God's love for us and his gift of his son Jesus sent to die on the cross for our sins is kind of like that. We're all ugly. Deep down we really are. But God's love slowly changes us and makes us beautiful. Kind of like that first big snowfall. A slow but sure change into that picture that people want to see. Our lives are like that. They can be like that. I pray mine is like that. I pray God is just making my heart more beautiful to the point that my life is this example of how great and wonderful God's love is.

What about you?

now.

When God tells you to do something...You should do it.

Really that's what my conclusion has been lately.

A year ago when I left Focus I had on my heart to start an art ministry of sorts...but it just became this idea on the back burner of everything else that was consuming my time. After going to Passion2012-[HUGE Jesus conference in Atlanta, Georgia...like 43,000 college students huge]-I've realized something, that idea is still on my heart...and it's growing. It makes me happy but at the same time I'm still at a loss for how to go about working towards this vision.

I'm still processing things from Focus...and now I'm processing things from P2012...but I'm really excited about all of it. :)

blurb.

The semester is over. I can't believe I'm saying that! It went by so quickly. In August I was sitting there saying, 'Six more semester of college. Six more." Now I'm sitting here looking at my hand. Why? I can count on ONE hand how many semesters I have left. I'm pretty sure this time it really is only five...not another speed bump in the process of finding out I have more time left.

My heart is in this place of desiring to be creative and make beautiful things. Play piano, paint on blank canvases, make something to hang all my friends save-the-dates, wedding invitations, and baby announcements on. My heart might desire that but instead I find myself stuck in a rut of just wanting to sit and nap and watch mindless television all day. It really is ridiculous. How is it that there have been so many times in my life where I have just thrived in going, going, going, going. But now I'm just tired. I feel like I'm in a season of rest and reflection. I love people, but I also love figuring out who I am. Just me.

I met up with my friend Shen the other day. God placed her in my life almost 3ish years ago and it has been a blessing since then. I feel like she's the older sister I never had. I value her advice and wisdom so much. One of her encouragements to me recently was this, "Bri you are just so magical." Granted Shen loves fairy tales-as do I-I took this to heart. We were also chatting about how this is my time. My time to be me and my time to figure out who I am in Christ and who that makes me in this world. I love this time in my life. As difficult as it is to say sometimes, I really do love it. I love watching my friends experience new things, get married, take adult jobs, and go on crazy adventures. If you think about it, I really have had a crazy 4.5 years of college. Life, learning, and the love of friends I cherish so deeply. I'm so thankful for all the encouragement and prayers I've been blessed with over the years.

This year is almost over. I have a feeling this next one is going to be even crazier than years previous. I have no idea what that looks like...but I'm excited. Excited to see what God has up His sleeve for my life. :) My continual prayer is to embody this verse:

Proverbs 31:25 "She is clothed with strength and dignity, she can laugh at the days to come."

15,000 Words.

Oh mylanta. Half of me can believe, while the other half cannot. This semester is almost over. I'm beyond excited about it though. Do you ever have an idea in your head about what something will look like, and then as it's happening you're like, WOAH HOLD ON. That is my semester. Not what I expected.

As I put on here some pictures from the past 3 months, you'll see I've captured some moments, but missed quite a few. I've had 3 friends get married, even more get engaged, joined a bible study, switched churches, etc. Plus it has almost been a year since I graduated from FLI. Crazy. So. Here are your visual highlights.

Rehearsal Dinner!

Jessica got married on September 24th!

My fake sisters. Shena&Kendel. Love them.

BRABI!! This is Abi. She is my twin. I love her to death.

Annual Family Trip to the orchard!

Shep had a birthday...we all went to an orchard and picked apples...Kendel and I took pictures:)

David Crowder. :) Jessica and I went to one of his final shows on the 7 Tour.

Happy Halloween!!

BRABI cooked!

This frisbee made my day. And........confession.........my lazy self still hasn't mailed it...almost a month later. Horrible I know. I have it in the box and addressed and everything...

My cousin visited!!!

My life long friend was home for Thanksgiving!!!

My dad told my sister and I to pull on the tree while he tried cutting it down...apparently we got two trees in one!!!

She's been home for nearly a whole semester. :)

I've been thinking about blogging more...but part of me is becoming more introverted and journaling more about what I've been learning about God and myself in life. I'm also considering making this blog private and only giving the link to people who ask for it. For so much of my life over the past 5 years I've been such an open book to people. And slowly I'm starting to see the value in more personable friendships. Thoughts?